I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
