I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
