She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
