Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
