Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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