3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
