Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Damn victory sex feels great
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
