New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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