i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i would punch a child for taco bell
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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