and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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