whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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