She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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