clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
