you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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