According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
