between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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