you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
