I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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