So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
should my penis look like a turkey
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
