I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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