planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
