two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
