I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
