First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dick very happy bro
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
