he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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