I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
