My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
