Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
