i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
