She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
