The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
50% drunk capacity currently
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
