Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
