How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So squirting runs in the family.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
