I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
