Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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