I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
