Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
