my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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