You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
