A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
