This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
