Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You pole danced in your parka.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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