I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
