so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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