everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
