Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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