i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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