textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
3pm strippers are depressing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
