i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
