I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
