I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
