I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
